DAD: “You have to help us, PoolMan! You’re our only hope. The big party is tomorrow and the pool is cold and the water is getting cloudy.”
POOLMAN: “I’ll be right over!”
DAD: “Wow, you weren’t kidding. You got here in a flash!”
MOM: “Amazing! Thank you for getting here so fast. Would you like something to drink?”
POOLMAN: “No thank you, ma’am. Let’s take a look at the pool.”
BOY: “I hope you can fix the pool in time for my party. I’m going to be 9 years old tomorrow and all my friends are going to be here. It absolutely has to be the best day ever!”
POOLMAN: “Well my calibrated quick-check water-test fingernail says the pH is in range, but the chlorine is very low and the temperature is a chilly 71.3 degrees. And the alkalinity smells like it is only about 62-65 ppm. The water flow at the wall return inlet fittings appears weak, so let’s take a look at the equipment. Ah ha! Just as I thought. The filter pressure is high. I’ll just backwash… like so. Voila! The flow rates are back to normal and the heater is back on. I’ll just put a pinch of the proper proprietary perfect pool product in and... Presto! Clean and crystal clear water!”
GIRL: “Hurrah! That was amazing!”
POOLMAN: “From now on, everything will go swimmingly. You folks have a safe and fun party.”
DAD: “Thank you, PoolMan. You saved the day.”
POOLMAN: “And thank you, sir, for keeping your pool gates and fencing in good condition.”
BOY & GIRL: “PoolMan, you’re the best!”
POOLMAN: “Now, you kids always remember, no diving, no running, no loud noises and no horseplay.
MOM: “Thank you for your pool service!”
POOLMAN: “Just doing my job, ma’am. All in a day’s work. I’m off to another pool. Have a nice day. And awayyyyy!”
DAD: “Did you see him jump in his white truck and ride off into the sunset!? Did you see the IPSSA sticker on his toolbox and those 25# 3 inch tablet buckets? His boots were nicely polished, too.”
BOY: “I like the pool pole he carries like a spear and that foam kick-board he uses like a shield. And his flying red cape is actually a pool towel!”
MOM: “I like his deep voice, wavy hair and blue eyes.”
MY PRECIOUS: “Hey, You missed the turn into the restaurant! Pay attention. Were you daydreaming?”
POOL BOB: “Yeh, I guess so,” I said, pushing my prescription glasses back up on my nose. “I’m going to have to upgrade to swim goggles with ‘super-vision’ powers.”
MY PRECIOUS: “What was that, dear?”
POOL BOB: “Oh, nothing…”
GOT DIRTY STINKY FOAMY SPA WATER?
Drain and refill it with fresh water. Give it the old “Flush and fill”. When in doubt - dump it out, I always say. There’s nothing like clean and fresh spa or pool water. In the good old days, the family would have a “bath day” about once a week, typically on Saturday, maybe in a wooden barrel or the animal’s water trough. Of course, dad would get in first, then mom, the oldest child and on down the line. Needless to say, like a modern day overused spa, that old bath water would be quite “out of balance” and have a certain unpleasant smell by the end.
And now you know where we got the expression, whenever you hear children, young and old, squealing with delight, running to the swimming pool, ocean, lake or that ol’ watering hole: “The last one in’s a rotten egg!”
These musings first appeared in the IPSSAN. Robert (Pool Bob) Blade operates Aloha Pool and Spa and is a 20+ year member of the Monterey Coast IPSSA chapter, past president, Region 10 secretary and PIE Show museum curator.
